Pranks
by davestridersjunk
Summary: Hermione's innocent boyfriend gets caught up in another one of Ron, Harry and Blaise's pranks. Rated for innuendos and some swearing words.


**Disclaimer: I still don't own Harry Potter. The beautiful J.K. Rowling does. **

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Harry and Ron shared some equally evil giggles. They were definitely up to something. He suspected that was why Hermione went to the library for a while; because every few minutes or so, they would burst out laughing and refuse to tell anyone why. Draco began to become curious, and desperately wanted to know what they were laughing at.

He hadn't minded that they were sharing private jokes, because Hermione and him done that all the time, but when Blaise came in, the two instantly ushered him over to the sofa, in front of some strange muggle invention called and intranert or something. That made him annoyed. Why could Blaise fit in on the joke? Why not him? He had a far better sense of humour than Zabini!

He huffed and decided just to wait on Hermione. She should be coming back to the Gryffindor common room any second now…

Wow, how far they'd come. During and after the great war, Hermione and Draco kind of became a thing, and now they spent every waking moment with each other; something that probably annoyed most people, but they didn't care. They were completely happy, and possibly even in love. He wasn't sure about that yet. I mean, come on. They had only been going out for a little over 7 months. It was way too early to say the 'L' word, wasn't it?

Anyway, since Draco had taken a particular liking to Hermione, he had to endure her friends now too. Same went for her. It had gone pretty well. At first, Ron had been a little jealous. There was tears, some spells, some bruises… But nothing incurable. Harry had been surprisingly accepting; claiming that now Voldemort was gone, he simply didn't care, and was too grateful and happy in life to hold grudges.

They now got on pretty well, actually. Sometimes he spent more time with them than he did her. They played Quidditch together, ate meals together now, had most classes together, almost everything. He had to admit that as much as he missed Crabbe and Goyle, it was nice to have some proper friends.

Draco had also matured after the war. It was obvious that he wasn't a bad child- just a misled one. A misunderstood one, if you will. He, Hermione, Blaise and their friends had decided to come back to Hogwarts to officially finish their education. A lot of people returned, giving Draco a good chance to set a better example of himself. Ginny and Harry were still very much in love, which made him smile every now and again. They weren't as 'joined at the hip' as him and Hermione, but that's what made it even more special when you did see them together.

Hermione and Draco didn't even think they were going to last together. It was simply a crush that had developed into more. For a while, things were confusing. They hung around like best friends and got on like brother and sister, but there was just too big an element of romance to pass it off as a 'friendship.' No, that word was much to tame for them.

More irritating giggling disrupted Draco from his thoughts. His eyes narrowed. Why couldn't he be let in on the joke? He was near enough desperate! He wanted to know! He huffed and set his elbow on his knee, then rested his chin on his open palm, showing his annoyance. They began whispering, then grinned, and all turned to face him.

"Hey, Draco…" Ron trailed off. Had Draco been a dog, his ears would have perked up.

But no, he was only human, so his eyebrows raised, and nothing happened to his ears.

"Wanna be in on a dare?" Blaise finished. He looked at Harry, expecting an explanation from him, but he looked as if he was too afraid to talk in case he burst out into fits of laughter.

Nodding, Draco moved over to the intranert, as he called it, silently fist-pumping inside that he was getting let in on the joke.

Blaise pointed to a bunch of words on the screen and Draco read them, whilst Harry excused himself to go to the bathroom, exclaiming that he 'was going to pee himself laughing.'

Draco grinned. Some of these were pretty funny… But others, others he did not even understand. He would have to get Hermione to explain later.

"I dare you to say some of these to Hermione." Blaise said. Ron sniggered into his fist beside him.

"What? No… they sound vulgar. You know she doesn't like stuff like that, come on Blaise."

"They're not vulgar. They're compliments! Right, Ginge?" Blaise asked, nodding his head towards Ron.

"Yep, freckles." Draco rolled his eyes at their nick-naming and sighed.

"I don't even understand them though…" He said sadly.

"Mate, you won't need to." Blaise said. "Hermione will be so stunned and happy that you've said this to her that she won't even ask for an explanation."

"Yeah, plus she might… y'know, reward you for it." Ron added.

"Reward me?" Draco asked, confused. Did they mean like a medal? A diploma? A certificate?

"Yeah…" Ron said, dragging the word out. Draco looked confusedly from both boys. Blaise's eyes went wide.

"She might have sex with you…" He said in a 'duh' voice. Draco's cheeks went pink. They certainly hadn't discussed that yet… however, it would be a nice way to bring up the conversation obviously, by complimenting her. Draco smiled.

"Alright, I'll do it when she comes back!" Draco said happily, enthusiastic to make him girlfriend love him that little bit more.

Blaise shifted on the sofa, extremely excited for what was to come. "Okay, try one out on me!"

Draco smiled and tried to look as charming as he could without a mirror.

Harry walked in.

"I like your face, but it would look so much better between my legs."

Harry walked out.

Blaise whimpered, desperately trying to hold in laughter. "That was good mate, I think you're all set up."

He took a look at Ron, who was doubled over the sofa with a silencing charm on himself, laughing like a maniac.

"Oh, look, here she is now!" Blaise whispered urgently, before putting on a serious face and making himself comfortable on the sofa.

"I had to leave the library because tonnes of third years came in and started snogging right in front of me. It wasn't very enjoyable." Hermione said, sitting in between Draco and Blaise.

Harry came back in, wiping his eyes. He sighed shakily and sat down on the sofa across from them.

"That doesn't sound fun." Draco said, deeply concerned that his princess wouldn't get as much work done as she'd wanted. Blaise, Ron and Harry all rolled their eyes at the couple. It was like this every. Single. Day.

Would they ever get bored of each other? Probably not, that was what was so brilliant about them. They had finally found someone to put up with either one of them.

Blaise coughed and shifted. "Uh, Hermione, Draco has something to tell you."

"Oh! You're surfing the internet…" Hermione said, sounding pleased.

The internet! That's what it was called.

"Oh, what d'you need to tell me?" Hermione asked, smiling at him. Draco glanced down at the screen, thankful that the intranert was still on.

"Um…" His mouth felt awful dry. 'This better work' he thought. "If you are what you eat, then I could be you by morning!" Flashing her a fantastic smile, Draco awaited his reply. She simply stared at him, moving her head slightly to the left in a confused daze.

It was silent. And there was a snigger. It most likely belonged to Blaise.

"Y'know… 'cause you're delicious! That's why I'd eat you." Draco said, attempting to redeem himself.

More silence.

"Um…" Draco looked for another one. "If you were a lolly pop, I'd be licking you all night!" He said. Blaise sucked in his lips, desperately trying to hold in laughter. Now Hermione looked pissed. Oops.

"'Cause you're delicious… Again… Okay, um, I know there's better here, hold on…" Draco said.

"I think you'll like this one." Draco smiled. "Did you know there are 256 bones in your body? Would you like one more?" He grinned. Hermione smile at his attempt at biology dropped and she looked at Harry and Ron, the clear culprits of this prank.

"Don't you get it?" Draco asked. "I love you so much I'd give you a bone!" He said.

Harry began to weep silently with laughter, and in Blaise's opinion, looked like he was 'going to pee himself' again.

"I don't understand…" Draco said, shaking his head confusedly. He was being kind, right? Not insulting or anything…

"Okay, let me try once more! I know there's good ones here…"

Blaise thanked the maker of the webpage.

"Hey! This one's wizard-related! Let me put my Nimbus 2012 in your chamber of secrets, Hermione." Draco moved his eyes thoughtfully to the ceiling. "Although I don't really get that one because it's not YOUR chamber of secrets, it's- oh my god."

Draco suddenly realised the reality of his situation.

Want another bone in your body?

I'd be licking you all night long…

Oh jeez. He was screwed.

Draco looked at Ron and Blaise –Harry had gone to pee himself laughing in privacy again- and glowered. They'd set him up! Those monsters… Not only had he been giving his girlfriend unknown innuendos for 15 minutes, but they'd known all about it, AND he thought he was giving her compliments! Hermione didn't look too pleased either. He didn't know what to say at all. He was almost afraid to talk in case his words sounded dirty and they ended him up in even deeper shit. Hermione raised an eyebrow at him, questioning him, while Ron had taken off his silencing charm and him and Blaise sat on the sofa, slapping their knees and laughing hysterically.

Hermione then took the opportunity to notice the reality of the situation. Of course, her poor, innocent boyfriend had become on the receiving end of another one of their pranks. Bless him.

Usually, Hermione would give in and begin to laugh with them, partially affectionately bullying Draco, however this time, the joke was on them. She smirked at all three boys and stood up, offering her hand to Draco.

"Yes, Draco, as a matter of fact, I would like another bone in my body."

Their laughter abruptly stopped as the two walked away, hand in hand. Draco turned around and winked at both of them, revelling in their dumbfounded stares.

Ah, his girlfriend was amazing.

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**Hi! This is just a little something while my exams are on. I, thankfully, only have one more exam left, so I should probably start updating more regularly. I feel like every time I don't update it's because of exams, you must think my school is insane for giving me exams all the time, and to that, I will not disagree, haha!**

**Feel free to point out any errors, and most importantly, enjoy!**

**-FallenForTheDraco**


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